he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize