I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so let's talk penis.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize