I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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