I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
