I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
