don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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