The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
