I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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