So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
