he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
