it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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