she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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