i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
