hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
