I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
