I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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