i permit you to call me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
