Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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