So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
