god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
