I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
