if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
