A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
farters have to be the big spoon...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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