areolas are like halos for boobs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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