I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
