I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
