this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
