A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
