great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
God I need to hump something, right now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
