it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
