I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
