i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't put those talents on a resume
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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