I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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