should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
