STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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