Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
