I can text with my tongue
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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