we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
