is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
