there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
