Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize