help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
