remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This is my gift to your gina
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
