I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
