She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
