While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
