I heard we made out
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
