So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
