Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
