i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
