He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
