oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How's work?
Spinning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
