Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Randomize
