Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
