I want to have your abortion
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
