I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
