i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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