Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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