I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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