Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
