I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
