I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize