Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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