so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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