High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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