Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
