I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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