sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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