I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize