shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
