The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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