i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
