after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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