Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
