Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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