I'm so fucking centered right now
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well I just put wine in my tea
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
