Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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