After last night, I could never be a politician.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize