the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
