Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
