Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
