he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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