He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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